Right now, they are so cute that sometimes it takes a while for their differences to be noticed. But what about when they're in the awkward teen years? I can't tell you how many times someone has said, "Oh, your son doesn't LOOK autistic." Not a great thing to say to a parent of an autistic child, but also true. His disability doesn't show in his looks so it's not as easily discernible to others.
It's now pool season, and we are proud owners of pool passes for our community pools. Archie, age 5, LOVES the pool. He's fearless. He'll jump in the deep end, keep his head underwater, and generally scare the living daylights out of his parents in the pool. He wants to interact with other kids. That interaction isn't always....appropriate. Usually it's relatively harmless, like stealing the ball from a game of catch in an effort to get other kids to chase him. However, sometimes it's a little more serious.
Last weekend, we were at one of the neighborhood pools. We were in the kiddie pool when Archie went over to a little girl who was sitting down, grabbed her ankle, and put it toward his mouth. We thought he was going to bite her and jumped in to stop him. She was terrified. He was upset. I told him he can't bite and he said, rather indignantly, "I am kissing a boo boo!" The girl had a scrape on her ankle, and Archie -- quite logically, based on all the times his boo boos have been kissed -- wanted to make her feel better. A gesture too adorable to be mad at, but misunderstood enough that the girl was traumatized.
Max, who will turn 3 years old in July, is a different story. Very cautious and reserved. Still different, but mostly just playing with the pool toys a little oddly, or off in his own world. Basically not threatening, so easier for other parents to dismiss.
I constantly cycle between the same thoughts in any public setting like this.
"I should just tell everyone so they know the deal."
"I should just let it play out and intervene in the case of trouble."
Selfishly, I don't want to endure the self-righteous glares from other parents who think I'm letting my kids behave badly, when in reality, they are both doing amazingly well. But I also die a little inside every time a parent or kid looks at my boys and judges them.
I want my kids to have every accommodation they need to be successful. But I also want the opposite thing -- I want them to be treated exactly like every other kid.
Is that so much to ask?
